A. Fang: A Disturbing Recipe

Serving: 1

–  a beautiful virgin of noble birth
–  a gibbet
–  iron instruments
–  an oven
–  a knife

Step One:
If you are from a noble family, make sure you check on virgin maiden relatives to see if they secretly worship God / Christianity. Note that due to the typical portrayal of virgin-martyrs, the selected maiden must be of noble birth, a virgin, and beautiful. This step is critical to the making of a good virgin-martyr.

Step Two:
In order to make virgin-martyrs the ultimate symbol of virginity and God’s power, the selected virgin has to be tortured in many inhumane ways. This recipe provides three examples of acceptable torture:

  1. Hang the virgin on the prepared gibbet. Disregard her prayers and make good use of the iron instruments to tear at her body. Remember, the bloodier the better.
  2. Usually, the virgin suffers more than one torture. Another possible way is to put the virgin inside an over and bake her continuously for at least three days. It is important to bake for at least three days because previous virgin-martyrs have proven that three days do no damage. Remember to train the guards to disregard any unusual voices such as singing or praying from the virgin.
  3. Another common method of torture is to remove the virgin’s breasts. This act functions as a mean to dehumanize and de-feminize the virgins.

Step Three:
Repeat Step Two or modifications of Step Two until the virgin dies. If all fails, it is also common to decapitate the virgin.

Step Four:
Congratulations! You just made a virgin-martyr. Enjoy and bon appetit.


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